Confessions of a "Rice King"

By Rick Lax | May 2005

I dated a Chinese-American girl for a week, and then, in passing, I referred to her dad as a "Chinaman " and then we stopped dating.

I was ignorant, not a racist; I didn't know the term had negative connotations. I thought "Chinaman" was the proper name for a Chinese male. I thought it was on par with "Englishman." I also thought my plea of ignorance constituted a solid defense, but apparently it didn't and the girl didn't take me back.

Since the breakup, I haven't dated any Asian-American girls. I can't help but imagine that word got out about my unfortunate comment, and that my name and photo are on some sort of offender list, circulated among the Asian-American community. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but maybe not - I mean, why else aren't Asian-American girls lining up to date me? (Let's keep that question rhetorical.)
Among my friends, I'm an anomaly. The following anecdote should illustrate why: Last month I saw Sin City with Rob, Nick, Ryan, and Andrew. They're all white. Rob, Nick, and Ryan brought their girlfriends to the movie; Andrew brought his ex-girlfriend. All four of these girls - Vicky, Yuri, Kelly, and Jen - are Asian.

Sheridan Prasso, author of The Asian Mystique says "When Caucasian or other non-Asian males are attracted to Asians with more intensity or frequency than is shown for other groups of women, Asian-Americans refer to this as "Yellow Fever." nicknames for those who exhibit such behaviors include "Fetish guys" or "Rice Kings/Queens." So are my friends Rice Kings or what?

Well, Vicky is Rob's first Asian girlfriend.

Nick has been dating Yuri for as long as I've known him.

Ryan has dated Kelly for almost a year now - and his last girlfriend was Asian too.

Andrew was with Jen (who is half-Chinese) for six months. Along with her, he dated two Filipino girls, one Japanese girl, and one Thai girl - not at the same time. He's only really dated one white girl. I asked him why and his e-mailed response took me by surprise - both its content and its verbosity: "The genetic implications of incest are dangerous: retardation, ugliness...mainly ugliness. Throughout our existence, that point has dissolved into a latent fiber of our psychology. We look across the pond for the genetic health of our progeny. At least I do. That's what goes through my mind every night I go out "genetic viability."

Indiana University researcher Tanaka Tomoyuki supports Andrew's claim - kind of. Tomoyuki believes "There is something a bit adventurous about dating or marrying out of one's race." This may be true, but I've got to believe genetic viability primarily operates on the subconscious level. And I doubt "incest avoidance" guides our sexual desires. And I'm not just saying that because my sister is smoking hot. (Kidding - I don't have a sister.)

I myself have been harboring a potential Asian fetish ever since I got to see one of Andrew's ex-girlfriends in her underwear. It's not what you think. Andrew, his ex, and I were all members of"Basement Arts " the University of Michigan student-run theater troupe. Andrew's ex starred in one of the clothes-optional shows. (Andrew and I sat that performance out). After its debut, I asked the director why none of his actors wore clothes, and he said "I saw my cast, and I was like, 'These four are hot! We are not covering them up.'" As far as collegiate theater goes, his reasoning was ironclad. Especially considering how good Andrew's ex looked in fishnets and a thong.

But Andrew's ex wasn't the first striking Asian-American actress to mount the Basement Arts stage. When I auditioned for my first show, the director boasted that Lucy Liu was a Basement Arts alum. The would-be actresses didn't seem to care, but the would-be actors thought it was damn cool - well, the half of us who were straight.

Lucy Liu played a Dominatrix hooker in Payback and a dead hooker in Very Bad Things. In Charlie's Angels and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle she played a professional ass-kicker, and she played a similar part in Kill Bill Vol. 1. I wouldn't want to fight or befriend these characters, but I wouldn't mind spending the night with them if I were guaranteed to get out of bed the following morning in one piece.

Prasso puts Lucy Liu's "Dominant" characters into three categories:

The Dragon Lady: wily, clever, and calculating; powerful but lacking empathy
The Dominatrix: sexually dominating, icy
The Martial Arts Mistress: cold, distant, steely, capable
Prasso puts Anna May Wong's (an Asian actress from the 20s)"Submissive" characters into three different categories:
The Geisha Girl/Lotus Flower: docile, obedient, reverential
The Vixen/Sex Nymph: coquettish, manipulative
The Prostitute: helpless, good-natured at heart.
Strong or weak; good or evil, all six of Prasso's character archetypes have one thing in common: I want to sleep with them.
So do my friends and I have Asian fetishes because of the highly sexualized images of Asian females we're presented with in American movies? Well, Andrew and Nick are film majors, and Rob, Ryan, and I are all movie buffs, so maybe.

Or maybe it's something else. Prasso offers several possible explanations of the Yellow Fever phenomenon "Sometimes, [men] say, it is a clearly stated rejection of Western women or Western cultural norms when it comes to dating and marriage. Sometimes, some men admit, it has to do with body type - an attraction to a more pubescent look or smaller breasts, straighter waist-to-hip lines, and less body hair. Sometimes it has to do with being able to feel masculine or dominant because of the way Asian or Asian-American women act or treat them - And sometimes men just don't know why Asians give them more erotic charge than other women."

I fall into the last category. I don't know why I'm attracted to a disproportionately large number of Asian girls, but I am. Once again, I'm pleading ignorance.

If I wanted to date an Asian girl because, let's say, I expected subservience, I'd be guilty of objectification and misogyny. But you can't hold me morally culpable for an innate preference of Asian girls. I didn't choose this attraction, just as gay guys don't choose to be gay. But just as some ultra-religious Christians blame gay people for their homosexuality, I'm sure some readers will blame me for my "amoral" Eastern longing. I just hope that none of these readers are hot Asian girls, who might otherwise be interested in dating me.